Relations of the daughter-in-law with the mother-in-law: advice from psychologists
Sometimes many girls, when they are getting married, are poorly aware that they are part of another, in fact, alien family. Unfortunately, the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law do not always find a common language. The cause of conflicts in relations with the mother-in-law is the complexity of the character of one of the ladies or both. But you need to put up and communicate, because the mother-in-law is the mother of your husband, and therefore, a person very close to him. It is painful and unpleasant for a man when two people dear to him are cursing, because of this, conflicts can begin between you.
On the Wedding.ws portal you will find the advice of psychologists and other necessary information if the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law does not add up.
How to establish a relationship with the mother in law?
In the role of the mother-in-law, several roles can be distinguished, which in psychology are considered the main causes of conflicts and poor relations with the daughter-in-law as a whole.
The all-knowing mother, a custodian
Bad relationships with this type of mother-in-law arise because she devoted her whole life to her son, and now you have appeared. And we’ll be honest, sometimes you want your husband to wash the dishes, and sometimes you don’t have the strength to cook dinner, and you buy dumplings, and you give him sandwiches with him. This is life, it happens to everyone. But for the mother, this is not acceptable. She will in all her words and actions indicate the incorrectness of your behavior. If one day after dinner with dumplings the next day you come home, and your mother-in-law walks in the apron and your husband is sitting in the kitchen, enjoying borsch with pies, then it’s time to take drastic measures.
Try to build relationships with your mother-in-law by turning her to your side. When she begins to subtly hint at your omissions in the household, do not rush to defend yourself, agree with her and ask for advice, for example, how to manage to prepare her company cabbage rolls for her husband’s arrival, given that you work 9 hours and come half an hour before him, and cabbage rolls are cooked for 2 hours. In response, you will hear either good advice, or your mother will begin to understand that it’s really difficult for you to manage everything. By the way, such situations usually become scenarios for jokes about mother-in-law.
Daughter-in-law and mother-in-law who “no longer interferes in your life”
Relations between the daughter-in-law and the mother-in-law sometimes seem normal, because the second pretends that she is happy with everything. However, when the limit comes to her patience, her opinion scatters out and pierces with the harshest expressions. When her pressure is ignored or rejected, she takes it painfully and says with insult: “Live as you like, I won’t say a word to you again. Then just don’t run for help. ” And when something goes wrong with you, her arsenal is reinforced by the expression: “I told you!” And the more such situations, the stronger her attacks.
The advice of psychologists for such a relationship with the mother-in-law is as follows:
Do not dedicate husband’s mom to your family problems and questions. Tell her about them after the fact.
If, nevertheless, she actively participates in your life, but you still do everything in your own way, then try to make your plan work, and she did not have to say: “I told you so.” Over time, she will understand that you can make the right decisions, and will not climb and reproach you at every convenient and inconvenient case.
But the most important advice that a psychologist can give if you have a bad relationship with your mother-in-law is not to heat up the situation. It’s more difficult for people of this age to rebuild themselves, to restrain themselves, and you are young and smart. It’s easier for you to keep silent, close the dispute, and prevent a quarrel from flaring up.
Perfect mother in law
Signs about new parents say that if you bring refined sugar to your husband’s house the day before the wedding, this promises a good relationship with your mother-in-law. But do not rush to be upset if you did not, and the wedding has long passed. Perhaps your husband’s mother is a sweet, friendly, and peaceful woman. But you still do not trust her, and awkward situations often arise. If you don’t have a relationship with your mother-in-law, but you cannot find the reason, the reason is probably not in her, but in you.
Try to look at your relationship from the side, analyze your behavior, how often you are ready to start a dispute and whether the reasons for these disputes are weighty. Consider whether all previous unpleasant situations could have been avoided. This does not mean that you are a bad daughter-in-law, it’s just your way of “taking the palm”, to show that now you and your son have your own family. Try to change tactics, not defend so aggressively, because, most likely, you are not attacked.