How to put up with your mother-in-law?
The candy-flower period has faded, the Mendelssohn waltz has played, the honeymoon has flown by in a moment, and you realize in horror that you have become the happy owner not only of the most loving, most worthy man, but also of his mother. Not that the fact of its existence was hidden from you, but it was certainly not presented in the perspective of the head of the family before.
Disagreement between daughter-in-law and mother-in-law
It so happens that some mothers-in-law perceive the daughter-in-law not as a member of the family, but as a newfound enemy. As a rule, this is a psychological conflict that occurs due to the usual female jealousy. Nothing that she is a mother, your husband was for a very long time in her sole possession. It was her he did not dare to disobey, he gave her flowers on holidays and hurried to her from the garden, school, University… And today, for another woman, he empties the pastry shop Windows and even began to forget to call in the evenings. Was that why she had raised and cared for him for so many years?
Daughter-in-law’s relationship with mother-in-law
There are often cases when there is a whole war and oddly enough, all the responsibility for it falls on the shoulders of a young wife. On her shoulders, because it is she who can change, smooth out the situation by thinking about it intelligently, or heat up to the boiling point of wanting to change the mother-in-law herself and her attitude to the new family.
Friendship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Sometimes it is very difficult to tolerate small mischief in your side, but it is worth remembering that there is a connection between a mother and a son, which you can not understand until you yourself become the mother of a boy. Open aggression will force the mother-in-law to turn to a secret weapon-hints against you. And this is a very dangerous weapon that has cracked many unions, because we are all just programmed to listen to or listen to the words of our parents.
A healthy atmosphere in the family
There are several secrets that will help to maintain a healthy atmosphere in the family. For example, pamper your mother-in-law, do not pass by the freezer boneta with her favorite ice cream, make a person feel good, but you should not let them into your personal life. If the mother-in-law wants to reign in a young family, give her this right, but clearly define the boundaries. Does it indicate that you are cooking incorrectly? Take a couple of her signature recipes and prepare these dishes for each of her appearance. Does she want to choose a sofa for you? How important is this issue for you? Do you want to see every night the sofa that you liked or the satisfied face of your husband? Here, the daughter-in-law has the right to choose what is more important, but the future grandmother should not be involved in family planning, tell her only the facts: “I am pregnant”, “We are expecting a second child”, “we are selling/buying/renting an apartment” , etc.
The world of a daughter-in-law with a mother-in-law
Your husband should know that you value and respect his mother. Do not allow yourself to scold or discuss it, but make it clear that you require the same treatment for yourself. You can never force a man to choose between his mother and the woman he loves. Even if in an emotional outburst he spoils the relationship with his mother, it will return to you like a boomerang at the most unexpected moment.
In relations with the mother-in-law, you do not need to be a subtle psychologist, just look at the situation from the outside and understand how sad her situation is. Sincerely feel sorry for her and treat her like a small capricious child who was taken away the most beloved and expensive toy.